The Canned Lobster bomb … y’all asked for it !!

Greetings Carnivores,

Geeze, Now I’ve gone and done it.

Seems I have dangled a bit of a carrot by mentioning an incident (in my last post) I NARROWLY avoided a few years ago regarding an innocuous can of Lobster meat and, now many of you have asked for the story.

I’ll just cut to the chase.

Lobster meat, for the record is sold a number of different ways but for this tale I am referring to frozen in a can. I know lots of folks have never heard of buying Lobster meat in a can, much less frozen but I assure you, you can (buy it in a can … there, look what you made me do) ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, canned Lobster is sold one of two ways. Cold pack (meat, frozen in cans), or hot pack (meat, heat processed in cans).

Now that I’ve brought you up to speed, … on with my story.

A few years ago my lovely Marital Equivalent and I were (as George Jefferson would say) “movin’ on up”.

With the purchase of our new home, the horrible drudgery of packing and moving the old one began. Being as I am the resident foodie and household Chef du jour, the kitchen was my task.

While emptying the pantry, imagine my HORROR when I discovered a can of Lobster meat that hadย SOMEHOWย made its way to the very back of the bottom shelf … WHERE IT HAD NOT SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY SINCE OUR LAST MOVE … 5 or 6 YEARS PRIOR !!!

To say I was surprised to find it there is an understatement because … IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FROZEN !! EVEN WORSE … IT WAS A COLD PACK, meaning unlike it’s Tuna or Salmon brethren, it had NOT been heat treated.

Now … when I say HORROR, I mean … I was afraid to touch it. THAT’S BECAUSE THIS ONE POUND CAN OF SUPPOSEDLY FROZEN LOBSTER MEAT … WAS ROUND !!!

Imagine if you will, a bomb tech discovering what he thinks is a deadly, live round, backing, ever-so-gently away from certain grievous bodily harm, like a man coming face to face with a standing Cobra (just like ol’ Harrison Ford in the 1st Indiana Jones Movie).

That was me.

Now, imagine if you will … yours truly dressed in my motorcycle rain gear and wearing a full-face helmet, with gauntlet rubber gloves. (hey, … it was all I could come up with for a HAZMAT suit, should the unthinkable happen inside my house).

I cradled this bulging Lobster bomb in my shaking hands, and walked the slow walk of a Dead-man on his way to the gallows. My lovely Marital Equivalent had already propped open all the doors and gotten outa Dodge, allowing me unimpeded passage outside to safety.

I didn’t want to risk it blowing up in the garbage so I did the next logical thing …

Hey, … I lobbed it down the street.

What happened next was both frightening and hysterical at the same time.

The bomb flew in this huge arc (I needed to be as far away as I could get so I gave it a grenade-like toss). In what seemed like slow motion, this Lobster bomb disintegrated and painted the road with an impressive 20 foot splash radius.

What followed, I THOUGHT I was ready for … not even close. The resulting stench would have knocked a buzzard off a gut wagon.

Epilogue:

This story COULD have had such a catastrophic different ending. Imagine if that thing had exploded INSIDE MY HOUSE !!! We had already sold it … how would we have EVER gotten that stench out.

Seriously friends … I know you’re smiling at the ridiculousness of the image I have just painted but … good GAWD !!

I wiped a bead or two of sweat from my eyes that day.

Now you know the Canned Lobster story.

By way of shameless self promotion, Please check out a blog post I wrote about Lobster last year (the un-exploding kind) called: (click here) 1977, long hair, an overdue road trip, Lobster carnage and … the Bummer.

Stay tuned and โ€ฆ please click โ€œfollowโ€ at the top of the page (Carnivore Confidential). Youโ€™ll get an email notice every time I write something new.

Until next time Carnivores, stay hungry and as usual, please follow my posts on Twitter @DougieDee and like and share them on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/carnivoreconfidential

17 thoughts on “The Canned Lobster bomb … y’all asked for it !!

    • Hey Gary … I don’t often get a chance to experience a smell quite that bad … but I guess being a Dr. you’ve had your fair share of stinky … thx for reading Sir.

      • My pleasure, working in a bacteriology laboratory you get acquainted with some pretty rank smells. Sounds like a good idea for a post to the ‘other’ blog ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks LGCD … I guess in hindsight … it was a pretty funny story … geeze, I’m just glad I’m able to share and laugh about it now … you have NO IDEA how ungodly that smelled !!!

  1. Well that lived up to its disgusting billing! Gadzooks smokey brother! I can almost smell it through the annals of space and time. We did ask for it tho. And you gave it to us. For better or for worse. Well mostly for worse I guess. Mercy. I need to make my own lobster grenade now. I could put such weaponry to good use.

    • Seriously … it reminded me of frat days in University. I was a bit of a Hell-Raiser and, … if I’d known then what I discovered lurking in my pantry … there would have been a CDC level five toxic prank !!! They woulda shut down a 3 block radius and plastered Bio-hazard signs all over Campus !!!
      Hmmmmmm … on second though, THAT surely would have gotten me expelled … better to have stuck with toilet paper in the trees and food fights … ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. What a funny story. I bet all the neighbours in your street were not amused.Good thing it didn’t land on somebody or explode in the pantry. Thanks for making me laugh!

    • Once I realized detonating that thing in the middle of my street wasn’t the best idea I ever had, I washed the fodder down the storm sewer with a garden hose. Needless to say … the stench was over powering and everyone closed their windows. We shared a pretty good laugh over it later … good thing I had great neighbours.

  3. I’m a new follower and exploring. Too funny, but just in case any readers come across this, the CDC has a procedure to deal with this…thought I’d pass it along. I only know about it because I’m a sometimes canner – although I’ve never heard of canned lobster, frozen or otherwise! I’m not sure where you live, but you may have killed all the alligators in the sewers…:)

    http://www.cdc.gov/nczved/divisions/dfbmd/diseases/botulism/consumers.html

    • Very glad to have you on board … WELCOME !! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thx for the CDC info. as well.
      I live in Canada btw, and canned Lobster is readily available (frozen).
      Enjoy exploring my humble blog … it’s ALWAYS great to get feedback.
      Thx for reading and following ๐Ÿ™‚
      Stay hungry friend.

      • So no CDC in Canada, and I’m sure no Alligators to worry about :). Botulism can enter the body right through the skin, so your fabricated Hazmat suit was right on! I can’t even imagine how bad that was!

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