The Canned Lobster bomb … y’all asked for it !!

Greetings Carnivores,

Geeze, Now I’ve gone and done it.

Seems I have dangled a bit of a carrot by mentioning an incident (in my last post) I NARROWLY avoided a few years ago regarding an innocuous can of Lobster meat and, now many of you have asked for the story.

I’ll just cut to the chase.

Lobster meat, for the record is sold a number of different ways but for this tale I am referring to frozen in a can. I know lots of folks have never heard of buying Lobster meat in a can, much less frozen but I assure you, you can (buy it in a can … there, look what you made me do) 🙂

Anyway, canned Lobster is sold one of two ways. Cold pack (meat, frozen in cans), or hot pack (meat, heat processed in cans).

Now that I’ve brought you up to speed, … on with my story.

A few years ago my lovely Marital Equivalent and I were (as George Jefferson would say) “movin’ on up”.

With the purchase of our new home, the horrible drudgery of packing and moving the old one began. Being as I am the resident foodie and household Chef du jour, the kitchen was my task.

While emptying the pantry, imagine my HORROR when I discovered a can of Lobster meat that had SOMEHOW made its way to the very back of the bottom shelf … WHERE IT HAD NOT SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY SINCE OUR LAST MOVE … 5 or 6 YEARS PRIOR !!!

To say I was surprised to find it there is an understatement because … IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FROZEN !! EVEN WORSE … IT WAS A COLD PACK, meaning unlike it’s Tuna or Salmon brethren, it had NOT been heat treated.


Imagine if you will, a bomb tech discovering what he thinks is a deadly, live round, backing, ever-so-gently away from certain grievous bodily harm, like a man coming face to face with a standing Cobra (just like ol’ Harrison Ford in the 1st Indiana Jones Movie).

That was me.

Now, imagine if you will … yours truly dressed in my motorcycle rain gear and wearing a full-face helmet, with gauntlet rubber gloves. (hey, … it was all I could come up with for a HAZMAT suit, should the unthinkable happen inside my house).

I cradled this bulging Lobster bomb in my shaking hands, and walked the slow walk of a Dead-man on his way to the gallows. My lovely Marital Equivalent had already propped open all the doors and gotten outa Dodge, allowing me unimpeded passage outside to safety.

I didn’t want to risk it blowing up in the garbage so I did the next logical thing …

Hey, … I lobbed it down the street.

What happened next was both frightening and hysterical at the same time.

The bomb flew in this huge arc (I needed to be as far away as I could get so I gave it a grenade-like toss). In what seemed like slow motion, this Lobster bomb disintegrated and painted the road with an impressive 20 foot splash radius.

What followed, I THOUGHT I was ready for … not even close. The resulting stench would have knocked a buzzard off a gut wagon.


This story COULD have had such a catastrophic different ending. Imagine if that thing had exploded INSIDE MY HOUSE !!! We had already sold it … how would we have EVER gotten that stench out.

Seriously friends … I know you’re smiling at the ridiculousness of the image I have just painted but … good GAWD !!

I wiped a bead or two of sweat from my eyes that day.

Now you know the Canned Lobster story.

By way of shameless self promotion, Please check out a blog post I wrote about Lobster last year (the un-exploding kind) called: (click here) 1977, long hair, an overdue road trip, Lobster carnage and … the Bummer.

Stay tuned and … please click “follow” at the top of the page (Carnivore Confidential). You’ll get an email notice every time I write something new.

Until next time Carnivores, stay hungry and as usual, please follow my posts on Twitter @DougieDee and like and share them on Facebook

1977, long hair, an overdue road trip, Lobster carnage and … the Bummer.

Greetings Carnivores,

In 1977 KISS, still reeling from their wildly successful Destroyer album (YES, they were called albums … go ask your parents) were back on the road supporting their new recording, Love Gun.

Back then, a certain wide-eyed, long-haired, teenaged kid was VERY excited to see them play the famous Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto … again.


Flash back to 1977

Around the same time, a 28 ft Bendix Centurion motorhome, shiney as a new penny, rolled off the assembly line at the General Motors Recreational Vehicle Operations plant in London Ontario, Canada.

Fast forward almost 40 years, the old Gardens (in da ‘T’ to da ‘O’ … ask your kids) is now a multi level grocery store with an ice surface as its centrepiece (tragic), the glam rockers are still doing what they do best … touring (albeit older, fatter and minus two original members … tragic), and that young, wide-eyed teenager is now somewhat older and wiser albeit, still … long haired (some ‘might’ say … tragic).

Hey … I’m embracing my inner Peter Pan … I just refuse to grow up. (go ask your parents)

The focal point of my story is not the length of my hair, nor the resilience of my favourite band (or the pounds that seem to creep up on ALL of us) but … the lasting enjoyment of an old 1977 land yacht my friends own and, so lovingly call “The Bummer”.

I often get carried away telling a story … back to the MEAT.

Where am I going with this, you ask ???

EASY kiddies … stay with me on this one … I won’t go too fast.

Turns out, as I write this (through the magic of Wifi internet connections) I am on a road trip in the beautiful New England State of Maine. My Marital equivalent and I are travelling in that ancient relic I mentioned earlier, with our good friends, owners of “The Bummer”

We came East this year, to enjoy the spectacular New England coast and …


Although this is a vacation, I really HAVE been paying attention (between beverages) and, I’ve learned a great deal. I particularly wanted to glean some fodder for my blog along the way so, grab yourselves a nice Summer libation and pull up a chair … I’m feeling long winded.

Here goes … the State of Maine licences Lobster fishermen, who set over 3 million (yes … with an “M”) traps seasonally to ply their trade. This sustainable fishery is closely regulated by the Maine Department of Marine Resources, who make sure this fishery is healthy, and these tasty crustaceans are not overfished.

Still … 3 million FREAKIN’ traps? Is there anyone else here that thinks these numbers are MASSIVE ??? HUGE ???!!!

I mean really folks … how many of you can SERIOUSLY wrap your head around THAT MANY ZEROS ??? If traps are hauled twice a day … and each one had a MINIMUM of ONE Lobster in it … WOW !!!

Unless we’re dealin’ with a Lottery check (and I would STILL have trouble) … that many zeros is just outside my scope of understanding …


Wow … the proliferation of these little Sea Cockroaches boggles the mind … the shear numbers !!! THEY’RE LIKE FREAKIN’ RABBITS !!! Anyway, … I digress … again.

Ok so, I knew Lobsters shed their hard outer shells (because I was paying attention in Biology class), what I didn’t know was how often. According to the guide that took us out for a beautiful Sunset tour of the Bar Harbor area, it depends. During the first year of life, a young lobster might molt a dozen times or more. As a juvenile, he will probably molt a couple of times a year. By the time it’s as large as the ones you see in the market, which are typically about 6-8 years old or older, they are probably molting only about once a year. As a lobster grows even older, there will usually be several years between molts. Since I was kinda fascinated about the process I researched it a little bit and came up with this newsletter from The Commercial Fisheries News – August 1999.

“The larger the lobster, the longer it takes it to shed. A legally sized lobster spends about 1/2-hour escaping from its old shell once it has rolled over on its side. To begin shedding, the carapace (part of shell covering the body) lifts up away from the tail. The lobster raises the carapace by swallowing water. Then, the whitish colored membrane between the body and tail bursts, the fluid escapes, and the lobster rolls over on its side. Lobsters shed the body and head first. Next, the eyes pop out under the old shell. By now you can see the new shell covering the body. Throughout this time the lobster pulls and pulls until it finally frees the bulky claw meat from the narrow joints. Once the claws are shed, the entire lobster is freed with the flip of the tail. An intact shell now lies beside the helpless rag. For the next 1/2-hour, the lobster flops around unable to support itself on its legs. The claws are shriveled up and the antennae fall to the bottom. The lobster swells up again with water to build itself a hydrostatic skeleton. Gradually, the claws swell up to fill in the new shell. In a few hours, the new shell grows to its full size.”

Cool huh??

It stands to reason the time it takes to grow a new hard, outer shell is a very dangerous time to be a Lobster indeed, since their main method of protection is their exoskeleton. Something I didn’t know however is this … “soft shelled” Lobsters are cheaper to purchase than their “hard shelled” brethren. We’ve been told there is an abundance of them going through the ‘molt’ right now.

Guess what ???  CHA-CHING !!! CHEAPER! (and, I LIKE cheaper)

Who knew??

The difference in price is extreme too!!!  $3.99 vs $8.99!!!

Apparently these “Soft Shells” are not as coveted because they have less meat. You end up paying for the larger shell (according to the fishmonger) BUT, their meat is considered to be sweeter. We tried them both, side by side and I can tell you something I DID learn: to me, there doesn’t seem to any discernible difference in the ‘amount’ of meat each rendered BUT … the “soft shells” were noticeably sweeter and DEFINITELY more tender!

I have never seen “soft shells” for sale where I live so, if you ever have the opportunity to travel east and visit the beautiful New England coast, BUY THE “SOFT SHELLS” !!

We bought 3 “Soft shells” @ $3.99 for $19.96 vs 2 “Hard Shells” @ $8.99 for $40.49!

My Mama didn’t raise any fools!! (I don’t think)


The strangest thing I learned however is the fabled “Blue” Lobster is a real, live truth.


Why so Blue ???

I met some very nice people yesterday who were returning home to Buffalo from a trip to Bar Harbor Maine. We were discussing the “Blue” Lobster and they were convinced it was a tourist hoax … why else would every “Lobster Pound” have at least ONE “Blue” on display in their tanks??? Have they been dyed???

Apparently this “anomaly” is a very rare (one in 2 MILLION!) natural occurrence and NOT tourist trickery.

I learned Lobsters “can be” olive-green, greenish-brown, sometimes even orange, reddish, dark green, or black with speckles, but it is apparently extremely rare to find a lobster that is completely blue.

Unlike true albinism, where there’s a complete lack of pigment, a “Blue” Lobster is caused by a genetic mutation where the lobster’s body makes TOO MUCH of a certain protein, … which turns its shell this crazy electric “Blue”.

Like my Dad always said “I’m from Missouri” (go ask your parents)

Who knew???

One thing’s for sure … the Lobsters never saw us coming. It wasn’t even a fair fight. For almost a week, claws and tails have been flying, shrapnel-like in a frenetic carnage the likes of which normal humans would scorn. It’s as though my friends and I had never been fed.

Maine 019

These guys never even saw us coming … yum!

Oh ya … and that 28ft Centurion?

Maine 015

The Bummer

It’s STILL alive and well, rumbling down the highway, belching black smoke and breakin’ hearts … and, why do my friends call it the “Bummer”?

As Dan puts it … “it’s not a Beemer, it’s not a Hummer … it’s a “Bummer”.

Now you know.

I know I’ve been a little delinquent Carnivores … forgive me, the Summer has been BLAZING by at Lightspeed. Until next time, stay hungry and as usual, please follow my posts on Twitter @DougieDee and like and share them on Facebook